the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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