so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
