Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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