he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My penis needs a shock collar
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize