I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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