I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
