Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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