dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
