it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
