I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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