i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
