he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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