dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
