Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
