my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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