last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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