So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
