If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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