Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
