Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
