i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
