i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
