I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
