I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
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Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize