i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
