you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
