So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
