Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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