Say something about gay babies.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
did you just send me my own nude
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
