I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
