This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize