he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
