just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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