New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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