areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
