A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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