Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
