Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
