careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
