We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
