did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
