I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
