i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
