Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
