I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
