One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
