I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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