Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
