I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
