Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
