I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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