I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
