Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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