Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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