I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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