Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
