You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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