he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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