I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
