Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
