I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
