I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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