i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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