I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
