I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
