Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
