I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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