census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
