Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
