i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
