I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
