the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
