Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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