Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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