My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Pooping to opera.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
