I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
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So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think I just sharted jello shots
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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