Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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