yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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