I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
