either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
