So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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